remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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