All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
