somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
