If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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