Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
