i think i have herpe
just one?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
