idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
