Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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