my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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