and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize