Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
