i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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