I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
