oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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