Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
