Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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