There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
