Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize