Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
