I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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