So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
