I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
