between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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