My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you win again, gameday.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
