i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
