She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
