If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
