i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
