You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
someone threw a dead crab at me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
