Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
