He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
