love makes seman taste better
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
