I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
