I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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