Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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