period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
