Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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