she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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