Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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