Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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