its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
