Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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