Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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