Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
