its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
