My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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