He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the condom got lost in my hair
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
