I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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