Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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