my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
