You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
