I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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