How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
