The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
