An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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