remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
