He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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