I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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