What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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