Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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