So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I deserve this hangover.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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