I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
