NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize