Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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