I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
